USA |
Les Grooms in the USA Arts and Ideas Festival – June 2003
In June 2003 the United States went to war with Iraq. The French opposition to this military action led to escalating tension between the two countries. The arguments became more heated and more irrational. The French showed themselves to be very French while the Americans proved to be... well, very American. It was at root a war of opposing cultures. During this awkward time, in June 2003, the Grooms undertook a voyage into 'enemy territory', to Newhaven, Connecticut, as part of the « Arts and Ideas » festival. We don't know if the organisers felt any concern that we might meet with anti-French reactions but we must say that our stay was a great success. We were given a warm welcome to wonderful places by smiling people. For the Grooms it was like a picture-postcard version of the States come to life. The following piece about our stay was written in the very particular context of the difficult atmosphere of the time, and its intention is to ridicule the patriotic point of view which was found on both sides! Anyone who thinks that France comes well out of this account has missed the point. I CAN'T STAND THE STATES In June 2003 the Grooms brass band visited New Haven, USA. Its University : Yale George Bush Junior did a stint there So did we ! I can't stand America I hate the Dow Jones And the dollar which first goes up Then down The American companies which Americanise French companies The Star-Spangled Banner The Chicago Bulls' jersey The muscle-bound athletes The super-heros The fight between good and evil I can't stand the arms trade The death penalty The power to say who lives and who dies I can't stand the Americans' casual way of destroying the earth And of taking it over And of believing they represent the planet's highest achievement, above Everest, above Mont Blanc and even above the hill of Montmartre. I prefer Auvergne The Lozère The back-end of nowhere In short I'm French. My head is stuffed full of preconceptions And I'm part of the Grooms Brass Band which travels all over the world and makes its living by performing And since there's no money in the Massif Central We sold our soul to the States For an eight-day stay. Eight days too many. From somewhere deep inside I longed for the thing to fail For it to be hell I was expecting the America of George the Bloody (bloody George !) to be hostile to the Frenchie Grooms I was expecting the States to be as bad as Canada Where I spent my worst-ever Groom-time I would have liked it so much if the States had proved to be the worst of all Justifying their reputation as arrogant and ignorant ignoramuses Unfortunately, everything went very well For a Frenchman, that's infuriating. The America of George Junior and his countrymen welcomed us warmly Life was good We were well lodged Well paid (in dollars) Generously applauded So I say : bravo! Well done those Yanks! What then are we to do with all our pre-conceived ideas? How embarrassing! To find something to complain about I'll write about the visas Ah yes! The visas! Three months of work to finally get the right to step onto American soil. We had to fill out the form in English Resisting the temptation to give facetious answers And most importantly Provide a 5x5 photo US standard format Not exactly easy to find in the Parisian suburbs The photo had to fit exactly into the space provided (no overlap) The face had to be in close-up (but not too close) There hadn't to be a hair missing If there was, then you had to start again! They're a pain in the ass these Yanks with their crappy visa and their stupid mistrust of everyone They make no effort, they're patronising and rude Just as we like them, so that we can criticise them as much as we want. Perfect. Visa in pocket The next thing was to take the plane (no comment) and get through customs Next! A real pleasure In France we go through in groups, little chaotic bundles of humanity, always with some who manage to get to the front by squeezing under the armpits of the others In America they put you straight lines, one by one And we all have the same name : Next! We are all suspicious characters But if we turn out to be honest and a trusty friend of the American people Then no problem, we're allowed in... I had a gigantic Brie cheese in my bag A Brie we wanted to give to the choir who were to sing with us in our street show A Brie which had melted during the journey An illegal Brie, with no visa Well hidden, but stinking Giving out a horrible smell, as if it had already exploded! The odour of Brie was everywhere My bag smelled of Brie My hands, my passport The whole airport stank of milk gone off... With all those detectors of this and that which you have to pass through, logically I was done for But incredibly the detectors detected everything in my bag except the cheese. I was through "You're welcome" Before making it through American customs your status is 'suspicious'. Afterwards you're simply "welcome" In our case, it's incredible just how "welcome" we were Great organisation Good atmosphere Cool No problems With a good hotel Well positioned in the centre of town just opposite the dressing-rooms and the rehearsal space Enough time to get over jet-lag Cheap beer for the artists in the hotel bar And it was good beer. So there we were in Newhaven A prosperous American town Verging on the old-fashioned As if to say : We know all about English traditions, but here we build to last. Hefty rustic buildings And straight streets which seem to go on for ever The University is stone-built in the style of an old castle Imposing The whole town structure is based on squares The standard US way A square of greenery A square of buildings A square of greenery Then the University. America asked us to come to perform our Wagner And to entertain the folks on the streets during the Festival of I don't know what It's one of the most important festivals in the world, in the USA, in the University town of Yale American flags everywhere For us the most important thing was the Wagner, The made-by-the-Grooms "Ring Cycle" that we play under a tent holding between 150 and 300 spectators It was the show's première in the land of George Junior And we were hoping that some kind of super world-beating tour would come out of this gig A jackpot. The "Ring" takes place in a tent which represents a grotto And is made from non-inflammable poly-something cloth There are poles and circular stages made of the kind of wood that turns into crumbs if you mistreat it just a little All these wooden structures had been re-made by the Americans It was cheaper than flying it in from Paris And it has to be said that cheap American wood Is strong Like concrete Now we had a top quality décor to play in. Good job Well done lads. Our closed-in playing space means that the safety people can have a field day In Newhaven they went the whole hog. On the first night the safety official was a big old black guy who looked under everything and checked everything. During the show he continued to walk around the set, amongst the public and even in between the actors Er, excuse me, but I have to perform... No, no, security! He was everywhere at once Testing the ropes to make sure the tent wasn't about to fall in Checking the emergency exits, making sure all the passageways were kept clear He kept close tabs on the smoke machine hoping that maybe there he would find a problem But the smoke machine had been cleared Nothing he could say Nothing he could do Obviously he hadn't been told that during the show we use a lighted candle to ignite a powder which then gives off sparks Scandalous! The old guy became positively Shakesperian in his reaction... a crisis! Treachery! To calm things down we had to say sorry, to grovel, to humbly excuse ourselves To say that we would never do it again Honestly We promised. At the next show the person in charge of safety was a very nice young woman, very "welcome to the USA" ,who offered no comment about the night before Not a hint of reproach Nor the slightest excuse And during the show she wasn't there... what a pity! Wagner was a triumph At the end of the show For three minutes We were the kings of the petroleum industry In other words, the kings of the world, In other words... how short three minutes is Since the size of the audience for Wagner is strictly limited The organisers often alternated performances of 'The Threepenny Ring" and the interactive street performances (called the " Baronnade"), so that we could be seen by more people We would have preferred to play only the Wagner, all the time But that's business in the world of the market economy, and our Big Chief finds it easier to sell the Wagner in this way So we grumble, and then we play And we discovered through playing in the town centre that the streets of Newhaven are mostly deserted most of the time. In our show the "Baronnade" we constantly ask people from the audience to sing with us That's how, in the past, we've found a Chinese man who was ready to sing an air from the Peking Opera And fans of Mozart willing to try out Papageno or Papagena We've even found Wagnerians who knew the Ring... And we have a surprise finale prepared where a choir sings a Wagnerian air with us It works really well People are amazed and can't work out how all these elements fall into place. But here we had the same audience who came to see all our festival performances About 20 people in all A few passers-by (3 or 4, including 2 down-and-outs with nothing better to do) So the choir made up 60% of our listening public. A slightly too large proportion Especially since we played five or six times, each time with the same spectators, the same choir and the same Grooms As regards the 'surprise effect', forget it. But that being said, the average American is a good sport and with a drop of cheap alcohol and a few well-chosen tunes, they were eating out of our hands Vive la France In addition to the deserted streets We also played in courtyards where we were drowned out by the air-conditioning And in a park (not exactly Woodstock, though the organisers would have liked it to be) We were the headliners We were a great success at the closing ceremony (a bit like a tacky version of the Olympic games) in playing "La musique à Papa", a humorous musical sketch which goes : parp parp boom pa-pa. Let's say it again : Vive la France! A triumph! When we go to the States they love us That's the way it is We even had our fan club A real American-style Fan Club Which consisted of one woman who came to see us 10 times out of a possible 11 Noooo! Oh yes! She came with her husband With her sister With her sister's dog For the first time a dog played trumpet with the Grooms A very moving moment On our last day She came to say goodbye at the hotel She was almost in tears We've never had such a faithful spectator And we were touched We felt like we had become her whole life But sadly, Her 'whole life' had to go home Leaving behind the fan club The success The glory The good life Leaving behind all those sweet Americans (whites, middle-class, against the war in Iraq) who loved the Grooms And the horrible Americans (blacks, Puerto-Ricans, the poor and the drug-takers, in favour of the war in Iraq) who also loved the Grooms. This positive view of the States was a bit confusing Luckily, when we got back to Paris, on the front page of the newspapers we rediscovered the America that we knew so well Disgusting, intolerant, oppressive George Junior was once again the merciless Ruler of the Universe The dollar was once again the source of all our problems American athletes were once again all taking drugs Phew! We could breathe again Bienvenue en France This pleasant land Defender of human rights World capital of modesty. |